I watch my youngest taking a bath. I am a room away, not hovering. He is playing with his toys and I hear the splish-splash of water against the tub. I can't make out what he is saying really, but he is content, playing. For the moment he is not locked into the nightly battle of brother vs brother angst.

There are so many things in this world happening. Most of it isn't new. It is just surfaced - so strongly on the surface it is in our face day in - day out. So much of our lives are funneled through smart phones, I-pads, computer screens. Algorithms drive what consume - whether it's the food we eat, the audio we listen to, the TV we watch.  Not that this is new either, perhaps in the concept - algorithms are modern day generators of the all time propaganda wheels that have been spinning throughout history. But the sheer ease, amount and immediacy of everything, that is new.  The onslaught from all sides.  That is new.

I watch my youngest, not even in kindergarten. He has taken it upon himself to soap up and rinse off. . .not realizing that he is using shampoo and conditioner for this task rather then body wash.  He can't read yet, so the fact that he is taking the initiative to wash himself with anything that seems to be body wash...well...good for him.

It's hard enough to filter fact from fiction, words from feelings. My kids will have to figure this out, sift through it, lest it be sifted through for them.  Will the ten to fifteen years I have some sway be enough to help teach them to wash out the dirt in the media onslaught? Will it be enough to help them take positive initiative in their day to day? I have no clue. I hope so.
 

A room with a view...

I am sitting in my attic taking a break from work. I am sitting in a room with a view. A view of power lines stretching to houses and a generally active intersection where kids are dropped off from their respective school days. It is a view two stories up, above everything. My view is usually focused on the computer screens on my desk, and then, only momentarily, to the world outside.

The oddest thing is the window between the two worlds. Computer technology, window, cars/electricity/activity. The windows are antique paned casement windows. The glass has the original waver of old glass. The latches are ornate compared to modern latches. There is no double-paned insulation or track for a screen or a storm window. Just casement and window frame and windowsill.

On my side of the window is my own controlled world of technology. On the other side of the window is the uncontrollable chaos of afternoon traffic.

Relevance Past

One of the nice things about having to drive further out to meet with friends is the drive itself. Tonight I met up with others for $1 taco's in Wexford, a good 30 minute drive for me. With the traffic, it may have been almost 45mins on the way out. While this may not be a terribly long drive, it is sufficient for listening to a good deal of an album, and today I was listening to Sara Bareilles. I had purchased the album last summer, and listened a descent deal, but not enough to really know the album well.

So in many ways, it was the first time I really listened to the song "Between the Lines." And I listened to it four times on the drive home, peicing together the words, the meaning. I was struck by the relevance. Not to my own life at the moment so much, but to moments in my past that the words make so much sense to. I felt the relevance of the lyrics to myself. I felt the relevance to the human experience so many of my friends have shared with me of their own "Between the Lines." And I immediately wanted to call my husband, my ex boyfriend, his ex girlfriend, my best friends, their exes - all these people. To say, look, here, someone else captured what we are. . .what we almost all are at least one moment in our lives, at least in one relationship.

And then I wonder how many people I know are experiencing being "between the lines" right now. It is not a moment that is bound by a time. It does not happen just in our early teens, late twenties, experienced forties. It is an experience that can become at any time.

The song does not give an answer for the pain, it does not give a resolution. It only states what, in an existentialist way, is true - you and me will always be between the lines.

I will not Rue the Day. . .

I had to use a play on words with my blog today! Why not after all. The Rue in question - Sara Rue, a beautiful bubbly actress who I have admired for some time if not only for finding the characters she plays and her general physical attributes to be similar to mine. I always forget her name though. Afterall, Sara Rue is not the sort of actress who neccesarilly jumps out there as someone who people know by name. When I have shown her picture off to others, usually when playing the "people who would play me if a movie was made about my life", has been to say, "Ooh her!"













Today Sara Rue came up as I decided to look for hairstyles I thought would look good on me. Of course, typically I know precisely what will look good - so I was not surprised when her picture showed up in a group of google image search results for "medium length bob with bangs." I typically look for her or Drew Barrymore, to get similarly shaped face and features for showing others what I plan on doing. This time, Sara Rue's haircut was the most accurate.

Of course, this is a loose term for bob - but I plan on about that length, maybe a bit shorter, and a touch cleaner. Either way, I will be happy to go get my hair done tomorrow with Kara at MCN Salons!

The other news that was interesting, is that Sara Rue has joined Jenny Craig as a spokes person. I wish her luck in the battle to control weight gain and lost. It seems to be an up and down neither of us our unaware of. But even as I looked through more recent pictures featuring Sara Rue - and realized that she is only a few months older then me as well - I felt that I have really been letting myself go recently.

Just because I have gained weight and rarely need to go out around people, does not mean I should look so frumpy, boring, and blah. Of course, I don't have a lot of available funds to add to my excessively dwindled wardrobe. But I am going to make a point to start weeding out the crap, so I can find the good outfits. And for goodness sake - I am going to add some color back into my wardrobe!

So that's that - just some thoughts for the day. . .when I don't really even need a blog title.

When Plans Seem to Change

Life keeps us all busy. The past year was particularly busy, with the wedding, downsizing at my parents, and a heavy programming work load this fall/winter. While others are looking both back at the past year, and making goals for the next, I am reminded of where I was a year ago. . .particularly with my plans on starting an event planning business.

I did, in all legal terms, get the event planning business started. I got the necessary licenses, began to market myself. I ended up doing weekend of coordination for two weddings - without being paid. The downside to breaking into a new market - everyone wants a discount or free services when you are "new".

Other things seemed to delay the burgeoning company. I had limited funds to spend on marketing, limited time to spend on networking, and limited assistance in getting the website up. The website design isn't an issue at all. It was in some ways the follow through of others who said, "I will work with you!" and yet they never gave me any bio outlines or such for me to put up on the site. So in the end, the first year did not land a single paid job.

Luckily for me, the event planning is not my livelyhood. Perhaps it is best for it to stay a hobby, something that I pick up here and there as requested from friends and family, rather than actually attempting to be even a part time shop. Afterall, I seem to have very little time, and a growing passion for my other day job.

And I guess that is also noticable - what is different this year from last year. Well, I had just moved into the programming department. The idea to do event planning had begun in the middle of 2008, when I was becoming more disinterested in my consulting position. I was seeking a challenge, something to take me away from the day to day humdrum. Now, a year into programming, with an exciting vista of projects and more day to day interaction (online) with coworkers, I am feeling much more satisfied. I am also much more exhausted at the end of the day. I am looking to relax, clean, exercise. Next thing I know. . .the day is gone.

I was also smack dab in the middle of planning my own wedding. Thus, the whole event planning was fresh in my mind - with it's excitement and energy of the upcoming event. So of course, my mind went towards the business set - a way to capitalize on the amount of time spent obsessing over the little details. As if, somehow, considering the time as business preparation made it OK to be obsessive! Now with the wedding gone, I find myself more into dreaming about house renovations, or getting the house cleaned and organized. With my change in interest, Dave even suggested I expand and rename the business to be Luminescent Designs - so that it could incorporate more into my other design interests - graphics/interiors/events. Maybe...or maybe I leave it all as interests I enjoy as my time allows and my energy permits.

Life - life changes plans - and I am a rather adaptable creature. So for now, I am setting the event planning to the side. Focusing on myself, my family, my job. . .through the development and embracing of what IS right now. And life is good.

Today I ponder. . .

What would I do with my time if I closed down all of the networking sites. Definitively, I am one of those people who has to close the book completely to stop reading. So not being on a networking site would be quite a herculean task of saying adieu to the people I chat with and the statuses I read. I think, to start, I will close down everything that I have not used in the last six months. This would mostly be a collection of business "networks" and a blog or two.

The weekend was delightful, particularly yesterday spent with Dave. We didn't have a rushed day, but we had a good day. A trip to Home Depot, more "dream building" of our house and the surrounding spaces. A good deal of the dream building talk consisted of a garage.

We do not need a garage so much for the cars, we are used to uncovered parking and have been, each of us, for most of our lives I would suppose. But we would like a garage at some point. To hold snow mobiles, to hold a car perhaps. We imagine a carriage house style - brick on the first floor, shingled on the second, to match the exterior of our house. The second floor would be a craft room, extra space for the kids to play. Adjacent, on the ground floor, dave would like a little workshed to hold power tools and outdoor tools. Perhaps even a small spattering of mechanics tools for at home car maintenance. We pondered whether or not we would bring both water and electrical over to the shed, and agreed that we would want electrical minimum. And as Dave put, "Hey - why not put in water!"

Saturday, in the doing - not dreaming mode, I finally planed down the edge of the bathroom door. Since it was hung by the workers an amazing two years ago (how time flies!) it had not closed without a good deal of shoulder force. In about half an hour I had planed the edge enough so that the door closes easily. I keep forgetting now, and still have the tendency to almost slam it shut in my expected need to force it closed.

Sunday, in the effort of doing, Dave and I bought a combo of nail guns and air compressor with Christmas money. Now we do not need to borrow from any friends when it comes to finishing a room with wainscot or crown mould. This makes me very happy, as both are the major detail works that are required the most from now on out. We will still need to rent a framing gun for the cases where one is needed. But otherwise, we are set. Now on to finishing up the front den!

And so I leave you with Trilla, sitting on the sofa, looking out at the snow. And Layla - outside eating the snow!

Day 1 on Day 2

Today, Layla woke me up early. Only early because it is a weekend, I have a head cold, and I don't have anything to do. Otherwise, she began her morning fussing around 8:30. . ."Don't you need to be awake, mom? Dad went to work!" With her perpetual two year old personality (“Mine!”, “No!”, “Now!”), there is nothing like being the care giver to an 8 year old malamute with a need to keep to schedules.

“I don’t have anything to do” is probably the first sign of someone who doesn’t relax easily. I have always found it is better to keep my mind constantly occupied with some task or other. If left to its own devices, my mind tends to jump ahead to projects that I cannot possibly complete in the limited amount of time that I have free to do things. Instead, I have begun to sketch out the ideas.

The house always provides a good source of sketches. I find myself jumping from room re-design to room re-design; mostly in an effort to keep from becoming depressed or overwhelmed at the amount of work that one room requires over another. The most recent obsession is the guest room/kids room which is currently the master bedroom. But first, a sketch of the house:

High Victorian brick. The entire house is divided and supported down the center with 100 year old 10x10 posts. To the left (when entering the house through the right side foyer) is a large room, which was once divided into two with pocket doors. We refer to this room as if it was still two rooms, as the “front parlor/music room” and “back parlor/downstairs living room”. Directly behind the foyer, (with it’s cascading stairway to the second floor) is the dining room. Stretching across the back of the house is the kitchen, “annex” and half bath. The annex is an addition to the original house directly behind the back parlor. Upstairs, directly above the music room, is the “den”. Behind that, once adjoining through a walk through space, and directly over the back parlor is the “guest room/kids room/our room space”. And directly above the dining room is the “blue room/cat’s room”. Behind the cat’s room is the “dumping ground/master bath.” In the attic, “Penny’s space” is the “front room” and the “back room”.

Most of the rooms have multiple names that reflect their future design more than their current use. Usually, I live in a state of dreaming – seeing less of the current wall colors and simply covered windows and more of the luxuriously appointed Victorian or craftsman style suites. Similar to Victorian standards, we plan on making each floor less formal as you move upwards in the house. The second floor will be the happy medium, family friendly but still stylish.

And thus we come to the room that has been the focus of my musings this weekend – the kid’s room. Again, naming it based on the future use – as we do not have any kids to fill this space at this time. But someday we will.

The room itself is entered from a corner. Centered on each outer wall (side of house and back of house) are single windows. To the left of the corner door is a double door closet. To the right of the corner door is a solid wall leading to the other corner that once had a fireplace. We plan on putting a fireplace, most likely ventless gas, with a Victorian mantel, back into this corner. The floors will be hardwood, most likely around a gunstock or slightly warmer colored oak.


Thus we have the setting. The goal for the room will be a nod to Craftsman sensibility, designed affordably and for the ease of cleanup after children. Along the walls we will do a high panel and batten style wainscot. This area will be painted in a earthy sage green, muted and weathered looking, perhaps with a coat of cream on top showing the sage weathered through on the edges. On the wall with the closet and the far wall with the one window, the top of the wainscot will also have a picture shelf. Also along these walls, under the shelf, will be four to six old fashioned hooks for hanging jackets, the next day’s outfits, or other assorted accessories. The upper walls and ceiling will be dusty heather grey with a touch of cool purple. Replacing the old ceiling fan, we will add two fans (one above each bed) with the carved palm leaf style blades. The room will be furnished with two golden pine twin sleigh beds, a side table, and an armoire, all of which I have had since my teens. And of course, this room holds the largest closet in the house.



So that is what I am beginning to bring to life through sketches and images collected online. Perhaps this will be my project for the next year, bringing the kid’s room to life. Though, most likely it will need to wait until after the master suite redo….oh the master suite…musings for another posting. . .